Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize