so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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