He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
