i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
