I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
