You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
