did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
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I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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