Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
