If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
