I think scott just propositioned me for sex
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
