dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
