it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize