i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
What a dumb baby whore.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
