I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
