I feel great
I just peed on a car
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize