The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
