Got a toothbrush?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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