i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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