Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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