i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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