im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
