You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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