if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
