Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
