big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
