Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
