Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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