We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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