Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
