he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
