We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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