Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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