How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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