if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
