Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
