I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
