Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
