PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
