Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
