Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize