1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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