Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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