I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
