yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize