Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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