Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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