hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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