Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
