I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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