If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
