she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
