Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
