I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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