i think my tv is drunk
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
