I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
