does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
