mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
