dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
