thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
