i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
