I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
