She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I intend to get homeless drunk
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize